


A collection of random blurbs from tumblr

by Charity Layne (JestaFairyOfPranks), JestaFairyOfPranks



Series: Desmitri Fam Fics [14]
Category: Layton Kyouju Series | Professor Layton Series
Genre: All Games Spoilers, Azran Legacy Spoilers, Based on a Tumblr Post, Des is a weeb and you cannot convince me otherwise, Desmitri as per usual, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, John Mulaney References, Lots of Vine References, Mention of Death, Please Don't Kill Me, Slight mentions of domestic violence, Tumblr made me do it, What else is new, Yes there is a MHA reference, a few sexual innuendos, all my homies hate Leon, as per usual, des needs a hug, enjoy, fuck leon, mention of crime, same universe as the Scientific Method, so be prepared for that, thank you, well multiple of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28563879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JestaFairyOfPranks/pseuds/Charity%20Layne, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JestaFairyOfPranks/pseuds/JestaFairyOfPranks
Summary: Random little blurbs I posted on tumblr.
Relationships: Desmond Sycamore/Dimitri allen, Jean Descole/dimitri Allen
Series: Desmitri Fam Fics [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2057361
Kudos: 3





	1. Yes

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, read the tags please before continuing

Leon: SON!

Des: YOU’RE NOT MY DAD! YOU ALWAYS WANNA HEAR SOMETHING! Ugly-ass fuckin’ noodle head!

———

Desmond: Care for a hit?

Hershel: Does your mother know you eat all that... Stuff?

Desmond: Not anymore.

Desmond: WHEN MOM WAS ALIVE-

———

Des, holding a guitar: Anyway, here’s Wonderwall

———

Des: Quit your job.

Dimitri: why?

Des: join my Emo band

———

Leon Bronev: Every time you yell at your kids, put a quarter in the “no yelling” sock and soon you’ll have a weapon to beat them with

———

Aurora: You guys aren’t my real fathers.

Aurora: not even my legal guardians.

Aurora: you’re my…

Aurora: illegal guardians.

Des: No-

———

Aurora: Dad, can you pass the salt?

*Descole and Dimitri both reach for it*

Des: She calls  _ me _ dad.

Dimitri: I’m  _ also _ her father!

Des: Not  **_legally_ ** you aren’t!

Dimitri:  **_WELL NEITHER ARE YOU-_ **

Des: touché.

Aurora: *sigh* I’ll just get it myself…

———

Dimitri: I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES, AND YOU ALREADY ALMOST BURNED THE HOUSE DOWN!

Anastasia: in my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Dimitri: THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE-

Descole: in her defense, she was left unsupervised.

Dimitri: NOT YOU TOO, DESCOLE-

———

Des: Aurora is my second daughter.

Hershel: where’s your first daughter?

Des: Six feet under

———

Des: everyone has a gay cousin.

Dimitri: bitch I don’t have a gay cousin!

Dimitri: oh shoot.

Dimitri: I  _ am _ the gay cousin

———

Des: I used to be the tallest person in my friend group, but then DIMITRI happened. He’s lucky he’s my boyfriend, because I don’t like being outshined by a Michael Jackson wannabe.

———

Aurora: What’s a “bottom”?

Charity: a euphemism for butt

Dimitri: another word for pants.

Descole: Dimitri.

———

Des: Honey, what time is it?

Dimitri:  **TIME IS WHAT SHACKLES US TO THIS MISERABLE REALITY. IT SEES NEITHER HUMAN DESIRE NOR PAIN.**

Des:

Dimitri: it is 9:08

———

Anastasia: I mean... this pebble looks kinda tasty ngl.

Descole: (Hank green voice) Don’t eAT ROCKS. DONT EAT ROCKS.

———

Des: I would never, even as a joke say that my boyfriend is a bitch and that I don’t like him.

Des: My boyfriend is a bitch and I like him SO MUCH.

———

Des: Truly bonkers how much I enjoy lying down.

Des: like being horizontal? Unparalleled.

Dimitri:

Dimitri: Well it’s paralleled by both the floor and the ceiling but I see where you’re coming from

———

  
  
  



	2. There is more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More

Alfendi: DO YOU WANT A PENCIL SHOVED UP YOUR URETHRA?

———

Dimitri: Do I look like I know what a jpeg is? I just want a picture of a god dang hot dog.

———

Des: if you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Layton: what if it bites me and It dies?

Des:that means you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Layton. Learn to read.

Flora: What if it bites itself and I die?

Des: it’s voodoo

Aurora: what if it bites me and someone else dies?

Des: That’s correlation, not causation

Dimitri: What if we bite each other and neither of us dies?

Des:

Des: That’s kinky 

———

Charity: How are you doing today? When can we date?

Des: I’m doing fine, and I have a boyfriend.

Charity: I know, and I don’t mind. Bring Dim along too! We could be a trio!

Des: NO.

———

Charity: I’m the Ms. Joke to your Eraserhead.

Des: If I’m Eraserhead, that would make Dimitri  _ Present Mic _ and Dim is  _ not _ Present Mic.

Charity:  **DID I JUST MANAGE TO GET YOU TO ADMIT YOU BOTH WATCH MHA AND THAT YOU SHIP** **_ERASERMIC_ **

Des: ...apparently you did.

———

Dimitri: Oh fuck you.

Des: go ahead.

Dimitri: That’s not what i-

Des: ~~if you say so~~

Dimitri: Sometimes I hate you.

Des: Not as much as I hate myself!

Dimitri: No-

Anastasia: I just want to go  _ one _ family dinner without  _ this _ stuff happening-

———

Descole: Sometimes I regret teaching you how a blender works.

Aurora (drinking toast): Why?

———

Dimitri: hey I was gonna test... the…

Des: *Eating cereal* Huh?

Dimitri: Are... Are you eating cereal with  _ WHIPPED CREAM _

Des: Well we were out of milk-

———

Hersh: If you could travel to any point in time-

Dimitri: No.

———

Hershel: Where’d Descole go?

Dimitri: Don’t worry, I’ll find him.

Hershel: how?

Dimitri: watch.

Dimitri: IN SLEEP HE SANG TO ME, IN DREAMS HE CAME

Descole: *bursting into the room*  **THAT VOICE WHICH CALLS TO ME, AND SPEAKS MY NAME**

———

Des: Hey, sweetie, have you eaten today?

Dimitri: Wha-

Des: Have you?

Dimitri: You’re talking to me?

Des: No, I just so happen to be in love with my coffee mug- OF COURSE I’m talking to you!

———

Dimitri: Pardon my French, but  **FUCK OFF.**

Des: *scoffs*  _ that _ isn’t French, the correct way to say it would be “Va te faire foutre!”

Dimitri: *grumbles in Russian*

———


End file.
